Saturday, April 18, 2009

Diving in.

So I'm surprised that after feeling locked out of the housing market for so long that being a prospective home buyer is not really all that exciting to me. That said, we seem to have found a house or it has found us. All the arguments against buying have dawdled off and left me standing on the precipice of this really huge decision. I'm oddly detached. I tell a few friends and they congratulate us. -Really? We're taking on a huge fiscal responsibility that could be like an albatross around our necks weighing us down and limiting our options in a shifting sea of uncertainties. Yay?
Usually I'm pretty in tune with myself. I've got a pretty good handle on what I'm feeling and why most of the time. Maybe it's just that this is uncharted territory for us, a great unknown. Maybe it's because we've studied the housing bubble for so long that we can't be swayed with the allure of home decorating. I don't know. -And that's so odd to me since usually I'm such an insufferable know-it-all.
Some comfort as we head into this is that as much as we've settled into our lives here at the farm, the park authority that runs it has a 15 yr plan for the property that doesn't include us. I think I would feel better leaving here if something would break or someone would make me mad. It seems so counter intuitive to leave when things are good. Hmm. Much to ponder.

And on the subject of pondering I've realized that too often with this blog I play it safe. I recently stumbled into a blog - Pacing in the Panic Room and I left mesmerized by how the author, Ryan had entered into this thing, this process so fully. In his writing he revealed himself with a capital R, allowing himself to be vunerable and sentimental and just so achingly human that I felt privileged to witness his journey. Also for a long time I've followed Sharon in her blog Weapons of Mass Distraction, so much so that I feel like I could count her as a friend. She's clued me in to so many cool sites and music and art that I owe her a great debt, yet we've never met. And Holy Cow what that girl can do with a camera can curl your toes. This whole blogging thing is an amazing use of technology and with it we make these fumbling gestures at creating community, and sometimes folks succeed in doing just that.
So I found myself thinking about it. Why don't I do that? No. Really.
You see I know there aren't that many people that read this. What am I doing it for if I'm not going to take any risks? And in the thinking I discovered what I'd forgotten.
Long long time ago I was 18 and left home. My father and I parted on bad terms, my mother, showing signs of dementia, was with him. I was over stuffed with melodramatic crap from books and movies, so full of my sense of right and wrong that I wouldn't speak to my dad. I had all sorts of trials and tribulations but every Thursday while my dad was at work I would call my mom and let her know that I was okay. I prided myself on my ability to turn everything into a good story, to get a laugh out of her, to make sure she didn't worry. I remember calling from a payphone when I was living in a motel with all sorts of troubles weighing down on me, but she laughed and I felt like I'd done my job for the week.

So this blog has been like those phone calls for me. I keep it light, I try and hit the funny points here and there but I never dig too deep or reveal myself too much. I wouldn't want anyone to worry. But I think I'm going to try and change that -either that or just be much funnier.
And in the spirit of jumping off into new things. Here is the latest painting I've started. It's still in the very early stages but it's ginormous and it'll be a journey getting it where I want it. Also very excited to be getting a big jug of Dorland's wax medium to paint with. I've never used it before but I've seen how it can be used and have great hopes. Thanks to a gift cert it was free!

Thursday, April 16, 2009

If Dr. Suess ran a hatchery

Usually I'm not a big fan of dyeing eggs for Easter. My family wasn't big on the tradition; or if we did, we were lackadaisical about actually having an Easter egg hunt. Little did I know how much fun it could be if you know the right people.
The kids and I and Eric made these beauties at Mary's house with hot wax and batik methods. Almost too pretty to eat, but we'd better eat them soon. Egg salad anyone?

It seems fitting to be looking at pictures of eggs though because aside from Easter it seems that we're waiting for all sorts of things to hatch.
(Tapping my toe and pointedly looking at you Kristi. But no pressure, really. tap tap tap. anytime now. tap tap)
We're waiting to see if the renewed dream of buying a house will hatch into something real and watching all the greenery explode around us. Things are good, and more good things will come.