I've decided to cheat

Besides the constant insanity and pressing demands of children, married life, ect, there's one thing that really bothers me and always sets off red flags in my mind, and that's when I catch myself saying "I can't".

I'm a big proponent of choices, and 'can't' doesn't fit with my paradigm so to speak.  If you can't do something then you've made choices that determined that.  You see?  So, there really isn't any such thing as I can't, just regrets from poor choices and being stuck with the consequences. 

Think about it, let it soak in a minute.  Here's an example: I can't make it to school in time.  -Well that would be determined by prior choices right?  Like when you set the alarm, how many times you hit snooze.  Yeah.  Can't and I, we don't jive.

There are things that I won't tackle or I'm afraid to try, but I try to be honest with myself about what the problem is.  If I can figure out what the obstacles are, than I can make different choices.  Simple enough, not to belabor the point.

So November is on the horizon and Nanowrimo is coming.  For those of you not familiar with it, Nano is the awesomest thing ever.  It's an amazing community of like minded crazy fuckers all struggling and striving to write a novel, to complete a rough draft of 50,000 words in 30 days.  You can learn more about it, here What is Nanowrimo?  I would encourage anyone with even the fainest aspirations of writing to dive in and try it.  The biggest benefit is that it will push you to write a novel, rather than talking thinking or dreaming of doing it.  Once it's done you can decide if it's for you.  You can choose to revise or trash what you create, but you can rest in the knowledge that you did it.

So, I love the process.  I love the community, the sense of drive, of push towards a goal.  But as November begins I'm knee deep in a revision that flounders.  An idea that I love, but struggle with, a plot that has flaws, characters that make me question their motivation.  It doesn't feel right to bail from this endeavor just when I'm in the thick of the struggle, but it also doesn't feel right to say that I can't commit to nano this year.  Recap, Can't =red flags, ect.

So I've decided to cheat.  I'm going to keep on with my revision and log in my word counts and push towards the goal of 50,000 by December 1st.  Real winners of nano will be turning in completely original works written during November.  I however will be working and reworking the words I've already made in order to, hopefully, have a finished workable draft by December.

So I'll be logging in my word counts and enjoying the pep-talks and write ins as much as possible but aiming for a different goal.  I think it's a compromise that works.  I'll stop just shy of declaring myself a winner if I make it but I'm excited to add the powerful engine of community and peer pressure to my efforts.

That and, I have to keep painting!  I was so lucky to find someone who likes my work enough to work out a great barter.  One big painting for a wall with some french doors for my studio.  She has building experience and the know how and it will go such a long way towards winterizing the studio.  Very excited to make the space even more functional.

Also, found a place for my latest article here, I Am Modern feel free to comment on their site!